7 Days

As of today I have seven days left on active duty in the Marine Corps. It's a weird place to be. I spent the last five years of my life in the Corps, arguably five of the most defining years of my life. The Corps is very much a part of the foundation of who I am. I know that part will never truly go away, but the anticipated separation anxiety is a little overwhelming. The worst part is that I want to reach out to my ex, because I know he understands what this is like, but I just can't go there right now.

Joining the Marines is one of the best decisions I have ever made. People make the mistake of thinking that the military changes you, that they take you apart and rebuild you into something barely resembling your old self. But that's just not true. The service changes you, every experience does, but in reality it just reveals who you truly are. I joined the Corps to become a stronger person, mentally, physically, emotionally, but it didn't affect those changes in me, I did. The Corps helped me (or forced me) to grow a thicker skin, and to believe in myself for my own sake. No person has ever done that for me. I owe the Corps a serious debt for doing so.

Now I'm standing on the cusp of yet another major transition. I'm leaving the security of the only thing I've ever really given my life to. I'm wandering into unknown territory alone and I am terrified. I know I will succeed. I know that I will enjoy the same success I did in the Corps, but the truth is I don't want to leave my family, I don't want to leave my brothers. I know the language, and the traditions, the way I'm supposed to be and act. Things are simple. There are rules. It is what it is. Now I'm a stranger in a strange land, trying to learn the foreign customs, a new language and a new way of thinking. I had pride in what I'd accomplished as a Marine. I was good at my job, I earned the respect of my peers, my subordinates, and my superiors. I have no status now. I'm starting again from the bottom, and it's uncomfortable and awkward and frustrating. Sometimes it's hard to have faith in myself, especially when I'm staring down at my map, and the whole thing is dark because I haven't explored anything yet. But I will be ok. In the end, I always am.